stranger things have

It's nearly December and I'm wondering why it seems like I've put another thing away.

In early summer, I cried a lot because I'm pretty sure our bodies aren't us (or at any rate that mine isn't me).  Right now I'm not sure what I think-- it feels a little irrelevant because lately I've been really enjoying having a physical form.  Maybe this is for a boring reason, like that I've been awake more or have a better body image.  Of course, I'm also thinking about assassinations and sham healthcare reform and I'm too busy being horrified at other people trying to use, or interfere with my own use of, my body to worry much about whether it's me or merely mine.

Anyway I've been really carried away with how beautiful bodies are, in general, and it seems natural to generalize that to include myself.  I feel bad when I can't really explain why I'm so attracted to Matt, which may have something to do with our real lack of a language to express male desirability.  But then, I also think that I like him the same way I like anyone, or he likes me: for no reason.  I'm not sure whether the more-available words about my appearance express anything "true" about why someone would be attracted to me.

I guess I could talk about my love for physicality in general, and my love for Matt, but I'm not sure where that leaves room for sex without love, which is something that I think is pretty great as long as everyone agrees on it.  Maybe I should leave it to science.


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